Rolling On

I’ve been floating.  Barely running any distance, but getting some short fast runs in before work, while the world is dark.

I mean dark.  The sun’s even sleeping in a little

It’s nothing but me and the darkness, and other shadowed figures shuffling our miles out, watching our time to ensure we get back to homes or cars with enough time to sit in traffic forever before we go to our “grind”.

I guess its time to get serious and really settle into some actual training again.  Deciding to take a break from the marathons this month was a good recharge.  I’ve been able to rest, do some body weight and core work that has slipped, and focus on getting into a life schedule of some sort.

I’ve found that I need to burn off the energy before I ever go to the office.  That means early, early mornings.  But, it’s nice too – because I’m starting my work day out with, like, 10,000 steps, for all you who count that stuff; and I feel energized without the restlessness and trapped feeling that just sitting in my body causes me.

I won’t lie.  I get pretty restless by the end of the day, sure, but it’s not as bad.

Oh!  Working with the training group has been going well, and I’m loving coaching!

It helps that I can’t stop talking while running too, I guess.  The group doesn’t complain, though, they eat it up.  They ask questions, they share stories…it’s fun!  And I learn a lot from the store owner while I’m doing this.

In two days I’m running the Cheetah Run 5k.   It’s my favorite.  And I need to run it.  No matter if I can do well in it or not.

  Last year was a rough year, and this race fell the very day after my mom died.  I remember my husband telling me that I needed to do it, to just get up and go.  But when the morning came, even he didn’t have the energy to make me leave the house.  Instead, we slept in and talked, and put on pajamas and watched movies on the couch all day, breaking for a few hours so my dad and I could handle the annoyingly many details of burying someone who just fucking died and holy shit no one wants to talk about colors of coffins and why so expensive, shit!

I need to run this race this year.  I skipped so many of the “little” and “fun” races last year and the beginning of this year because of the shit my life turned into for a while there.  I need to grab my life again, and I need goals.  I’m doing fine with this 12 marathons(+) in 2016 thing…but… I need to race.

I need to fly.

I haven’t felt light enough to fly for a long while now.  Between the hatred heaped upon me, the soul crushing, the constant battles, the belittlement, and the grieving…  I was heavier than the world, and my personality and all those things about me that made me worth a shit suffered the worst of it.  My humor dried up, my hopes shattered, and my will to live was fading.  I have these back now, and now…Now… I need to fly again.

I need long runs with good friends and laughter.

I need fast races and speedy 5ks!  I need to feel like I can actually do something right.  So I’m running this race Sunday.  And I don’t care if I do worse this year than I have ever done.  I don’t care if I finish last.  I don’t care if I mid-pack.  I don’t even care if I top-10 it.  I just want to run it again.  A race I don’t have to spend months prepping for.  This will be nice.  A nice change. A fun race.

Go out and fly, all of you.




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