41st Straight Street Hill Climb

It was a pretty good morning to hit the start line for the 41st running of the straight street hill climb.

Man, does a36% incline hill make 0.3 miles seem longer.

It was chilly, but not as cold as predicted. Just cold enough to make sure everyone left with the straight street cough. I never realized how badly exhaustion affected my running until the last three months working changing shifts weekly. It has taken a toll on my sleep and my eating rhythms… by destroying them… but i really felt it the last couple of days out running. And on this run.

There hasnt been a year that i didn’t have to walk some part of the hill, but this year was more walk than run. I’d feel more ashamed, except that i was just so damn proud that i got out for it. Despite the walk, i still managed 3rd in my wicked-large age division (20-34).

I stuck around to watch Minh give a shot at the bike-run-run challenge. Glad i didnt sign up for that – though now i think i may actually train and try for a good result next year in the run… and bring along a bike to do the bike race too. Buuuuuut, i dont know.

Next up for me? Well – i accidentally… uh…. last minute decided i wanted another marathon, and signed up to run jacksonville in December. I’ll be able to knock FL off my 50 states goal, have a laid-back marathon, and enjoy a family vacation with the in-laws as we visit my husbands grandmother and aunt with his brother and mom. I am unreasonably excited about this trip!

Enjoy the photos, and stay warm and bright in your winter runs!


Change and Winning

It seems like every time there’s a big change in life, it takes a couple of months to get your shit back together enough to find words to give people, and to see how your life can settle around that change.

About a month ago, I changed careers again – a second time in a year.  The good news is that it was back to my original career, so I don’t feel as lost or as much as a failure as before.   But for some reason, that failure sensation remains.

Throughout this change my house has fallen to a state of tottering on ‘always a mess’, and our laundry doesnt come back into our bedroom after it’s clean…. it all mostly lives in the basement – dirty clothes at the bottom of the stairs where they pile up and clean clothes in the laundry baskets beside the washer/dryer.  Anyone else feel this?  Is this the real purpose in having kids?  So that you have someone else to force into finishing the chores?   

I’m not sure if this change is a full “win” or not right now.  But I don’t regret it.  There’s a lot going on that I was misled about….and yet, it still feels better than I was doing over the last year.

Despite the unpredictable schedule that defines this new job too, I’m staying pretty strong on my training plan.  And I’m racing really well in the 5ks this summer, like I wanted!


Most of the 5ks I’ve run this summer have had some kind of gimmick or theme that made it sound fun or different.  You know?  Something to make it more than just a 5k.


Early in the summer, I signed my husband, my ‘race husband’ Minh, and myself up for what I thought was a 5k (It was actually a 7k…it even said so on the site.  I need to learn to pay attention to race stuff when I sign up) in Mansfeild Ohio.  The race, the Shawshank Hustle, ran around the prison and town that served as the location for the Shawshank Redemption movie.  I cam in first for my age group, despite overheating pretty hard in the last mile and having to break into a short walk in order to breathe.  IMG_1512Hanging around the area after to tour the prison and ride a merry-go-round made for a great day.


Back in July, for the 4th, I ran the local running store’s 5k, and although I was hedged out of placing for my age group, I did get within the top 15 women (13th), which earned a pretty awesome running store sweatshirt for me.  And.  I LOVE THIS SHIRT!  Guys.  I won something that fits right, looks awesome, and …. hell… I WON IT!

Following the July race, I signed up for a race called “the meltdown”.   The challenge… I almost wanted to write gimmick…  for this race was that you’d have 3 5ks, one starting on the hour each hour.  You could run any number of these, one to all three of them, but if you wanted a medal, you had to do all three.  When I started running, I was under the impression that only the people who ran well enough to place in all three would take trophies for their successes.  I didn’t have any expectation to do well…at least not beyond race 1.  So I went all-out in that first go.  I picked off runners ahead of me, all the while chasing one of the guys, who put on more speed every time I got closer to him.  As I made the final turn toward their finish line, the RD called out, “You’re the first woman!  Yay!” and I responded like I always do, “HOLY SHIT NO WAY!”

Race 1 I finished in 21:42, not my PR, but also, not bad.  I grabbed water, cheered on my friends, Matt and my race husband, and decided that I would just run comfortably in the next two.  Race 2 started, and I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would after that first solid effort.  I started out fast, again, and decided I’d just tuck into the pace of the woman who, if her comments were to be believed, really wanted to win this thing.  She set a good pace for the first mile or so, but then I don’t knwo what happened…. I just… passed her.  Then I passed the little middle school track star again….  and… suddenly I was in first place.  Track star gave chase, and I just pushed through it, dropping her with a little less than a mile to go.  And then there I was.  Winning the second race, at 21:49.
When they called us to line up for the third race, I was having serious thoughts about not running.  I did not feel as strong going up to the line this time, and had committed to sit back and ride this one easy.  Then the gun.  Then the running.  And then the storm.
A rain storm was rolling in as I finished the second race, and the winds kicked up.  By the time we made the first turn a quarter mile into the 3rd race, rain drops were starting to fall inconsistent, but certain.  I tucked into the pace of a guy wearing the Marine Corps marathon shirt and shorts.  We chatted and pulled each other through the race.  This time, I passed the other two women, the one who wanted to win and the track star, much earlier than I had in the other two races.  If it weren’t for the MCM guy, I would have dropped back pretty hard after the halfway point.  I remember feeling like I was pushing harder and running faster than the other two races, and then checking my watch to see that I was actually running…uh…30 seconds slower per minute than the last race.  I took first woman again, running a slow 22:02 for the third race.

I had to call my husband to tell him I was going to be late getting home because I “accidentally won the whole thing and need to stay for awards”.    He snorted and told me that no one accidentally wins anything, and that he was proud of me.

A couple weeks ago, a larger group join my husbands and me for the Kentucky Symphony Orchestra’s Beethoven’s 5k.  The challenge here was to run the 5k faster than the Symphony performed Beethoven’s 5th. 

After the first two measures, the traditional “Bum BUm Bah Bummmm” the pistol sounded and we were off.  And for the first mile, I was in the lead.  On my shoulder was another woman, running a strong 6:50 min mile.  Behind her?  A large gap.  The park this run goes through is nothing but a giant hill.  It is one of the best overlooks for the city of Cincinnati.  I knew I wasn’t going to keep this pace.  She murmured that she could keep this up all day.  And then she dusted me.  Shit, she’s a strong runner.  I kept her in sight, struggling up the hills around the turn around, and back to head up the large hill we started on.  I was reeling her in halfway up the last hill, but she still had more in the tank and just dropped the hammer as she crested the top.  I poured on what I had left of speed, but it was like my legs were no longer connected to me.  The message to go faster was delivered, crumpled up and pointedly ignored.  I came in second overall, and second female overall, and first in age group with a well earned 21:40.  I think there’s a theme here, on my 5k times…  Anyway, I missed out on taking home a sweet Beethoven bust trophy by about 40 seconds.  But I did beat the song, which the Conductor would admit at the end, they cut two notes from to cheat.

And that’s my racing so far.  The long runs in my training plan… they’re happening… but they’re mostly me out by myself and lonesome and boring right now.  I desperately need my running group friends, and have no opportunities to get out to them.  The small running group I started up for the place I was working at before is still going strong – still meeting, and still bringing my husband out with them.  I couldn’t be more proud of that!  I’m trying to build a running group at my new work space, but with our hours jumping all over the place, and the fact that it’s almost an hour and a half drive one way for me to get there, I’m not sure I can get that off the ground as successfully.

How is your summer racing and running going?  Whats your fall race goal? 


Run Happy!

Honest Review: The Beats by Dre Powerbeats3


HonestlyDo. Not. Buy.
Score:  3 out of 10
Pros:  Great fit, great sound, better than most at remaining in ear during workouts, wireless, battery life is wicked good,
Cons:  Not reliable, do not work, multiple issues, expensive, easily become junk, charging issues, volume issues, bluetooth issues, company doesn’t repair


December – These earbuds were recommended to me by the IT guy for my office.  He swore up and down that these were the only headphones I’ll ever need, and that with the “3” iteration, all the issues were resolved and they’d be a dream.  Excited, and finding a corporate deal through our company, I ordered my pair!

They did not arrive until February.  beats blue 1

But when they came?  Guys.  I was in heaven.

They fit like a damn dream.  The sound was great.  There was no noise breaking through.  Not only could I listen comfortably while in the office or the gym – but I could use them on the airplanes and it was perfect for blocking out the engine roar.

Running was a bit awkward, trying to get the cord situated such that it didn’t pull one or the other ear bud out.  And then, to run with one out-of-ear so I could pay attention to my surroundings (Like you should while running the roads) that took some work as well.

In all – I was very happy with these!


It was out of the blue, while trying to knock out some miles before work that I started realizing that I wasn’t listening to music.  The volume had jumped to “0” while I was running.  Confused, I manually upped the volume on the phone and kept running…. but it kept happening.  Constantly.  My miles were broken up by me constantly pushing the volume back up to a level I could hear it at.

I mean, it was odd…but then it went away…  Until it didn’t.  Eventually, it was very common, that I would have to hold my phone in my hand while running outside in order to battle the volume changes that were happening.  But that was just a few times…nothing constant.  It wasn’t happening every time I used them…so I just figured it was me.

By mid-March, the headphones wouldn’t even change from a blinking red “needs charge” light to “charged’ white light.  It just blinked red all the time.

In all, it was about a full week for the headphones to go from volume madness to complete dud.

I hit the forums and found complaints….hundreds and hundreds of complaints.  Apparently I wasn’t the only person running into these issues.

Following the forum suggestions: I tried a hard reset – but that wouldn’t do anything for the headphones that wouldn’t even recognize electricity.  I plugged them into my computer and logged into the Beats by Dre web.  I updated them.  I named them.  They showed 0% charge for the three days that they sat on my computer.

I ordered a new pair, this time at full price ($220), through Best Buy and picked them up the same day.

shock yellow

Pair #2 were hott.  I liked the “shock yellow” version.  They looked bright and cool, and…. they worked!

The Best Buy staff working in the sound department commented that they wouldn’t buy this brand.  They specifically pointed out a different brand and noted that they were cheaper, more reliable, and none had been returned like these beats were.

Well.  They worked for about two weeks.  Then the volume started jumping low and high.  Ear-drum destroying high.  I think I preferred the drop to low volume.  But then something new happened too…it stopped the music and skipped songs.  I tried to turn them off to disconnect them from my phone, but they wouldn’t turn off.  I had to plug them into the charger in order to get them to …just… stop.  Hard resets and turning off for a bit did nothing to settle these down.

We tested paring them to different versions of the iPhone to see if it was just because I didn’t have the iPhone 7.  That made no difference.  We watched the volume pop high and low constantly on the IT guy’s phone before it skipped songs and stopped…. but would not turn off.

Those were returned, I got the black pair.


One of my coworkers, someone who ordered his the same time as the IT guy and  I did, suffered no issues.
“Not even working out?”
“None.  Mine are perfect.  You should get the black pair.  That’s clearly the problem.”
The IT guy had no problems.
Even the girl behind me that just got hers (The blue and gray ones, like what I started with) had no problems.

The issues started four days in.

I was starting to wonder what I was doing wrong.  I was careful with them.  I avoided running outside because I didn’t want to expose them to weather that would cause them to crap out.  I carried them with a gentleness I couldn’t possibly possess.  I took care of these things.  We thought maybe it was the sweat….but aren’t these supposed to be sweat proof? I even started thinking that it was just because I used them on Sundays….because that had been the day things really went wrong for the last two pairs.

That’s dumb.  I know.  There is literally no rhyme or reason, and Apple (the actual owners of this product) and Beats by Dre both are mum on what’s going on or how to fix it.  Or how to prevent it.


Pair three was returned for a 4th chance.

beats blue 1

I was back in the blues.  By the end of the first week, I was feeling confident.  Clearly, despite my coworkers confirming that they worked out in theirs and used theirs all day long at the office, there was something going on.  But this pair?  I was able to go 20 miles one day without any issues.  Wear them each morning for walking the dog, all day at the office, and then for the workout in the hot evenings.  This was it.  I was certain.  I was in a good pair.  And then, 17 days in, they not only started jumping the volume like all the other pairs, but skipping and stopping music.  A hard reset fixed it the first day.  But then?  Then it was like the battle was fully on from there.

Some research shows that these headphones are “embodied with the W1 chip”….whatever that junk is.  But it shows that activating iCloud is needed for this to work to the best advantage on these headphones….  But I’m gonna say that’s a no.  Because if it were the turning point of making these things work or having them act like they’re possessed?  Then it should be in the start up instructions somewhere.  Right?  So no.   That’s not whats happening either.  Still.  I turned on iCloud, despite wanting nothing to do with it…. and suddenly the headphones worked!  …For two days.  I was at a complete loss, and more than a little pissed about this whole experience.

I did send a request to customer service after the first pair.  I never got a response.  I sat on a conversation with customer service from Apple’s website.  After a full run-down about the status and the crappiness of this product, I was told that I likely exposed it to liquids.
“Of course I did!  I sweat on them.  That’s what they’re meant for right?  Or was I not supposed to work out in them?”  I sassed at the poor guy.  He relented, and the only answer I have is that I have to ship them to Apple for repair.  Or for them to take apart and arbitrarily decide if they’re going to repair it or blame me and tell me I’m out the money.  Who knows?  The guy was very clear that he wanted to make sure that there was no damage to them.  I told him that these were not put through anything more rugged than what I put anything else through for running.  In fact, I pointed out, I avoided inclement weather specifically because I didn’t want to ruin them, since they were so dodgey to begin with.

So?  The customer service aspects – about average.  Though, Best Buy has been a real sport for working on this.  But I”m not reviewing Best Buy or Apple’s customer service.  It’s the headphones.  And, really, a product should never give you a chance to get to know customer service desks with as much familiarity as these have.

I’m taking these back and returning for the pair of headphone recommended by the staff at Best Buy, as well as all the google search results for “best bluetooth headphones for running”:  The Jaybird x3.  Sure, Powerbeats3 made those lists, but I think if you’re lucky enough to get one that works, you’ll be so happy with the things!  If you’re like me, and a quite a few people, who draw the short straw and get the pairs that aren’t working?  You’re not going to like that gut feeling that you’re out $200-$220 for a pair of headphones that are non-fixable, annoyingly unreliable, and otherwise…would have been perfect.

For me, this product has Failed.

Apple?  Beats by Dre?  You should be ashamed.

The Secret to Running

I bet you read that title and expect the secret to be some let down like, “just go out and run!”


Telling someone starting out on a running plan or into the world of health and fitness, overwhelmed with the prospect of completely revamping their entire life and diet to fit whatever fad they were told would “absolutely drop those problem pounds in weeks,” that they “just need to do it” – is about as useful as telling a person with chronic depression to “just give yourself permission to be happy.”

The typical result has that person thinking, “I give you permission to go fuck yourself” and moving on, feeling hopeless, or lost, or overwhelmed…. Basically, still feeling whatever emotion they were in when they came to you for the secret of running.  “Just do it” makes for a great slogan for a clothing company that already has athletes lined up to buy from them.  It’s solid advice, if you’re wavering on whether to run that morning or not.  But what if you’re not wavering?  What if you’re looking for someone to help make it less overwhelming?  What if what you needed was someone to tell you you were right?  That running is hard.  That it is boring.  That it’s uncomfortable and takes up time?  It’s not such useful advice then.  It’s dismissive.  Just like telling someone who has hit rock bottom that they chose that.  It makes everything  that person’s fault and washes you, the one they came to, of any responsibility.  Even the responsibility of helping them.  The things is: They know its their fault they are in this position.  They don’t need the reminder.  The depressed and the new fitness seeker.  They know their situation.  They just also know they are unable to do it alone.  They’ve come for help.

Just go run.  Pah!

It’s bullshit.  And anyone who remembers their first endeavors into the running realm should know it.  It’s not about just doing it when you first start.  Its about all the fears (What if my heart gives out?  What if I get hit by a car, or hurt?  How do I know how far I’ve gone?  How do I carry water?  What if I have to poop?  How long can I trust my kids not to burn down the house?).  IMG_7808

Tell them the truth fellow runners!  Tell your friends and coworkers and neighbors who come to you to find out the secret to running: The. Actual. Real. Secret to how you keep going out to run!  Tell them what it really is.  Tell them what you really do to get through the struggle.  “Just go run” is the outcome of your struggle.  It’s habit for you now.  Tell them how you got to that point.


The secret is the same for everyone.  Sure, motivations are different (Weight loss, depression, addiction, boredom, a dare, jobs, competition, scholarships…)  What pushed them through that starting phase, and even a tough phase later on, is going to be the same for 96% of the runners out there.

I only throw that 96% in there because I’m certain that it’s true for the large majority of runners, but I know outliers always exist and those jerks can just….go… stop …showing off ….. yeah. 

A lot of runners got there because they competed in school. For them, they had the secret to running pushed on them all the time, every time.  They probably won’t recognize it for what it was.  If you ask runners who started running later in life – not for school, you’ll likely get to the real secret a lot faster.

The secret is community.


Well…  Friends.  A support system.  And participation in running clubs or groups.

It’s having people to join you on those runs – even when they’re the hardest.  It’s having people who don’t run, but who care about your goals enough to call and make sure you got out there, to be proud when your runs do go well, and to be impressed when your runs sucked but you got it done anyway.  It’s the people around you, who make the run manageable.   Its making some friends and connecting with someone as you suffer through the miles together.  Its having someone that you can look at while you’re training and ask questions…  Questions like: “Has your foot ever hurt like…?”  Or, “I always feel so wiped out by mile five…what works for you?”  It’s having someone willing to check in with you.  To care how your running is going.  And then, broadening that, to include more runners.


And, really, lets be honest.  There’s a lot of truth to the concept of “misery loves company”.


Its about having the support you need to keep doing it.  Even if you skipped three runs last week.  Even if you have no idea what you’re doing.  Even if you start a run, get about a mile in, and then quit because it was just not working for you.  Even if you have to stop running for three months because of a serious injury.  Having someone who gets it to talk to about it makes the difference.


And don’t tell me that it’s not like that for introverts.  Don’t tell me, “Introverts need to run alone.”  Lies.  Even an introverted person enjoys having someone running beside them.  They don’t need to chatter through the miles.  Just being there with the group, words flowing around them, as everyone else chatters makes a difference.  The run doesn’t require social participation, but the run is made easier by it.  Having people recognize you and call to you as you run a local race makes you feel like a rock star.  Feeling like a rock star is part of the drug of running that makes going back to it day after day so much easier.


If you’re looking for the secret of running because you’re trying to get started in it, but it’s just so damn boring?  I’m here to tell you, yesIt’s boring as hellBut it can also be the best hour or two of your day.  Music, audio books, pod-casts…. these things all help, but sometimes they’re not enough. Sometimes, it takes practice to be able to focus on your run and listen to the audio book.   Its the aspect of engaging in conversation, or being around the conversation – and letting someone else handle the route – that can be the fix you need for making running more interesting.

And feeling motivated to go to races – because races are automatically interesting.  You don’t have to compete… just go to experience it!  Seriously.  5k’s are a blast, especially if you get the right ones.   They don’t take all day, there’s a good community around them, and nearly every “big” race (ie; Marathons) has one!  Find the costumed races near you.  Find the races in parks or that have good parties afterward.  Find them for causes you are supportive toward.  Go for the 5k, stay to cheer on your friends running the longer distances.   Go have a day!


You should train to run, especially if you’re thinking about doing races – that’s a given.  And to make that more interesting, I say:
Go find your local running clubs, groups, training groups, neighbor, coworker, or friends – and join them.  And remember my advice from a while ago:  Stop saying no to running with your “fast” friends!

Its time that you jumped into the real secret of running.  Stop wavering.  All of your reasons to hate running are true.  Come try the reasons runners love running.

And see that running friends make great friends outside of the run too!

Run Happy.

3 Hours in the Sun

“It’ll help…if the sun comes out – that will make me more motivated to head out…”
“You should just go.”
“But…I’m cold.”
“No you’re not.”
“My leg hurts.”
“Run anyway.  I’ll pick you up, wherever you have to stop at.  But it’s time for you to leave this house.”

Once, shortly after my Husband and I moved in together, he literally shoved me out the front door and then locked it, ordering me to run or never come inside again.  That was probably about 8 years ago.  Today, he can still be pretty savage about ordering me to run, but his resolve wavers in the face of me in pain.  If I’m hurting badly before I even start out the door, it’s harder for him to force me to do it.  Mid-race?  He’ll tell me to suck it up.  Rolling out of bed and gasping in pain?  That puts him in a tight spot.

I managed to delay going out for my attempt at 20 miles today for…hours….  but, eventually, the sun really did come out.  And I had to go.

I admit I was a bit scared of it.  Not in the way most people thing of ‘scared’ when they read it.  I was more just…trying to avoid the discomfort of a very painful experience.  This IT-band/piriformis/”probably sciatica” (Thanks a bunch, Dr M.) injury can actually hurt up to a 9 on the pain scale some days.  Two weeks ago when I tried my luck at getting 18 miles, it dropped me at 15, making it nearly impossible for me to walk by the time I gave up trying to get to 16.

Not mine.  Check out the creator and her story at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com  – she’s hilarious.

I don’t have a good memory for pain.  If I go to the Dr about an injury, I literally have to keep repeating the motion or action that causes the pain just so I can describe it and where it is.

Maybe this is why I manage long-distance running?

The injury, which currently resides in my ass (not to be confused with a ‘pain in the ass’), has started this new and annoying thing wherein I have a constant feeling of pins and needles going on with my foot.  That’s sciatic, right there.  For some reason, when a nerve enters the game, my brain starts a mild panic.  Nerves are serious players in the body….and it’s beyond me what the cure is if you jack one of those up.


The piriformis sits right over top, and sometimes encircles, the sciatic nerve.  Which means that when the muscle is inflamed, it can put pressure on the nerve and cause such awesome symptoms as the pins and needles.  At least I don’t have “weakening”….

So I dug around for some information on this (it’s legitimately called “piriformus syndrome – and, haha, they are still arguing if its “real” or not.  Since they have no case studies of it in athletes.  Where. Do. I. Sign. Up?)

I found a stretch that is noted as “The only way to cure” this.  4 weeks of doing this, and some exercises, and the pain will be taken care of.   And then I did more research and found a better article and some of the same stretches and strengthening exercises.

So now I’m adding these steps to my daily routine, adding them to the 30 burpees for 15 days challenge I’m doing.  Something I read about this one in Runner’s World.  The author said she got faster, and that she struggled with the work out on and off as she went through the days.  I’m not struggling.  Not with this.  But my thighs, they do shake… and during my long run today, they felt a bit heavy.  I’m hoping I’ll see results.

Back to today’s run then.

I knocked out some of these stretches and some of the workouts before changing into my running gear.  I hoped hard that my 4th attempt at a pair of powerbeats3 would work – because if they failed today then I would know two things:  1. I would not run 20 miles today.  And 2.  Powerbeats3 were not meant to be used on Sundays.  Because the other pairs died during use on Sundays.  All.  Of.  Them.

With a resolve that this run would be over in about 6 miles, I headed out.

I made easy loops of some of the roads in my neighborhood, sticking close to town.  When, by mile 7, my leg wasn’t hurting and my headphones continued to work, I figured it was time to stop screwing around and head out for the bigger loop.  I put about 3 more miles in along my subdivision – stopping to toss a baseball a few times with a kid and then to start up some woman’s lawnmower for her.  Then I cut along a rough patch of country road to get into the next subdivision, where I only did 3 more miles – because it was steeply hilly (worse than my neighborhood) and that was bothering my leg.  Mile 9 marked when I started noticing some pain in the leg from the injury.  And mile 13 marks when I realized that I hadn’t noticed the pain for a while yet and I’d likely be able to actually do the distance my training plan actually called for.

The sun continued to bear, and there was a cool undercurrent to the air as I ran up along the main roadway of my area.  I stopped into a biker bar for a water refill, and chatted about motorcycles and other biker bars – both things I know about but also have zero experience with.

Mile 15 was marked by having to ask some random stranger if I could use his toilet.  I was extremely embarrassed.  He laughed and commented, “I’ve been there before.  It’s easier for a man!”  Uh…sure… I guess…..I mean…Aside from the embarrassment, I was able to poop just fine in this man’s restroom.

By mile 18, I knew I had it.  I knew that I was able to run 20 miles.  Despite the injury.  It wasn’t fully without pain – but it was just a tight pain, not a shooting or harsh pain, like I had suffered on so many runs since November.

This is a big deal for me.

In my mind, I had determined that if I couldn’t run a long training run of 20 miles at all, then I was absolutely not going to be able to run the marathon.  There was no way.  I might be hurting, and the actual race may take longer than I’m used to the Flying Pig taking me, but I feel pretty confident now that if I can keep the injury managed like I did today, I will actually be able to run the marathon!  I won’t have to miss out on this goal!

It doesn’t fix anything else, but it sure does help my mental game.

Now.  Now I must go put some after-sun lotion on my face.  Because I, friends, have managed to get my first sunburn of the year today as well.



Check in – 5 weeks to the marathon

We are about 5 weeks away from my hometown race – the Flying Pig – and my 5th straight year running the full marathon.  At year 5 – they induct you into the “squadron”…. which is cool because you get some kind of extra recognition medal that clips to that year’s race medal.

2017 is marked by me having completed exactly zero races so far, and getting out for only one group run.  I signed up for a half marathon, and then bailed the morning of because my injury had flipped the switch up to 11 the day before, feeling like it was tearing muscle from the bone.

Basically, I’m still not really running well – thanks to this injury that has dogged me since November.

I’m seeing the Chiropractor – largely as a result of a traffic accident where a dude struck my car back in December while I was out of town for work – on Saturday mornings.  My Chiro is located right behind the running store – so I also get to see all my friends out enjoying their runs each morning as I go in to get my shoulder and neck worked on, and then my IT/hip massaged to try and beat that injury into submission as well.

crashing their post-run photo.

Last weekend I was supposed to hit 18 miles… I hoped to get 16… I ended up stopping at 15.  I’m happy that I got to the 15 – I didn’t exactly choose an easy route to do this on, opting to stay in the hills rather than take to flat ground for my long runs.  I hurt pretty badly during and after.

I’m not in a good head-space either.

Running isn’t really helping any more –  becoming another stress to my life:  It hurts to run.  It hurts not to run.  It hurts after I run.  It hurts when I run.  It hurts if I take days off to make the hurting stop.

I have to run, because I’m so close to getting another one of my goals (The squadron), and if I skip this year’s marathon, I have to start all over again…  But I know that trying to do this marathon is going to hurt.  And I’m so done with it.  I can’t fit running into my life.  I have to run alone all the time because none of the group runs fit my free time anymore, and I hate being out there alone because all I think about is what a useless person I’ve become thanks to my epic failures in life.

I’m just tired of fighting for everyLittleBit.  And still ending up with nothing.  Taking a moment to breathe from the fight to have anything I want/need/should have just to have it ripped from me the moment I stop.
I’m tired of being accused of feeling entitled and not working to earn anything.
I worked extremely hard, and sacrificed a shit-ton of myself toward trying to earn something in life… and I think that I at least deserve to be pissed that the reason I don’t have anything to show for it now isn’t because of my shortcoming – but because someone didn’t like the fact that I’m a woman; that someone decided that because of my gender I needed to be ‘put in my place’.  That someone told me I needed to go home and pop out babies for my man, not show up to work anymore.  That’s why I lost out on my path in life.  Not because I didn’t earn my place.  Not because I was bad at what I was doing.  Not because I wasn’t working for it.  Not because I broke rules.  But because someone with enough power and influence to destroy everything I did, determined that I didn’t look cute enough in the work outfit to stay, and wasn’t doing my ‘due diligence’ as a female (the popping out babies thing.  On an additional fun note- they tried to fire the woman there before me because she got pregnant and “spent more time home pregnant than working” and that was a problem).

This became the theme of my life


I did some hill repeats in this little park a couple weeks ago – because there was no where to run close to my hotel, and this park was barely a quarter mile of trail.  I think it was my fourth or fifth trip up the hill when I finally paid attention to the graffiti on the rock at the top.


I feel ya, park vandal.  I feel ya.  Both for the hill repeats, and for…all of it…in general.

I keep thinking that if this injury would just stop – go away – let me run pain-free again, then I’ll be more motivated, and feel a lot more content with things going on.  But its not just the injury anymore.  I’m not pulling out of my head game.

Two days ago, I was so bummed out about everything.  So upset with my situation in life and this overarching feeling that no matter how hard I’m working to fix it, I’m stuck here.  So full of repressed energy from taking a day off for my leg to stop hurting (it didn’t) and sitting in an office with no outlet for….anything… for 9 hours …  I went for what was supposed to be an easy run and ended up being a 4 mile sprint with a final mile time of 5:44.


Yeah, my leg hurt.  But I was done giving a fuck.  My headphones, a new pair of powerbeats3 that I just got a week before to replace the last dead pair, malfunctioned and died.  I was pissed.  I raged.  … And I realized that I was pissed about everything.  I realized that my life has shut down so much that the most important thing I had going on was whether or not my fucking headphones would work.  And I hated myself even more in that moment.

My life was certainly harder before.  I had a lot more going against me before.  But for some reason, no matter what was going on, I still got up and was energized for it.  I met it head-on.  I ran like a goddamn star and was able to come home and brag about what I was doing with my life.  I could see my friends, and I had hobbies.  Some how, despite the shittier nature of it all, I had found something bigger to cling to.  And now?  Now I feel like I have nothing, and all my priorities have fallen to such petty shit as why my headphones are shitty.

And this is where I am 5 weeks out from a marathon.  I’ve run 9 full marathons and 3 ultras in one year, and now I can’t get my heart into it enough to want to run just one half marathon – let alone a full.  I felt like I had something to prove last year – as my world fell apart around me.  Now I’m in the crumbled ruins of my world, and have proved nothing.  I don’t know how to reset my life for this.   I don’t know how to clean slate and start over.  Thinking of my goal for how I want to run the Pig – normally it’s “just have a good time and finish happy“.  This year its, “I guess under 7 hours and still able to walk would be okay enough…  eh.


How do you recover yourself after a major upset in goals/life/everything? ….  Asking for a friend…


Are Runners Crazy?

A couple of days after I completed running two marathons back to back as part of my 12 marathons in 2016 personal challenge, my sister asked me, “What kind of person runs like that?” img_0639
At first I laughed at her, asking if she was trying to prove that I was a crazy person.  After all, at that time I was under a lot of stress from a situation where I was falsely accused of being “mentally ill and a danger to self and others” by my boss, and was put on a suspension of sorts to “get medically right”.  It was a ploy to get rid of me (that much became increasingly obvious through the time).  And I had to attend a lot of mental health evaluations.

I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think telling people that I willingly put myself through two full marathons in two days is a solid way to prove I’m perfectly sane*.

But she explained, “No.  What I mean is, what kind of characteristics does someone who sets out to run two full marathons back to back have to have?  Its not something that everyone is doing.  There has to be more to it.”
Understanding, I started to list the things I’ve come to realize almost any runner (especially the long distance ones) tend to have:

Delayed gratification – You’re not going to run for a week and suddenly be an Olympian.  You’re not going to train for a week and be able to expect to run a full marathon and do really well (That is, if you’re like me.  If you’re some freak of nature who drinks beers all night, wakes up hung over and decides to just “hop in that marathon this morning” and you end up winning …. well… then I hate your face.)

 Goal setting-mindset – You need goals to run.  You need a reason.  No matter what it is.  You need something to achieve in the end.

Drive – when you have no motivation, but things need to get done.  It’s this ability to zone in on your goals and go despite not wanting to or not feeling it this week.

Motivation – You have to want it and believe in yourself somewhere along the line.

Focus – It has to be on your mind.  Maybe not all the time throughout the day, but a lot of the time, you have to be thinking, “I want this fitness.  I want to be better.  I want to be faster.  I want that medal.  I want to say I’ve done it.  I want the end result.”

Flexibility – You can’t always follow the schedule or plan exactly as you wrote it out two months ago.  You can’t always get the long run on Saturday.  Things happen.  Life gets messy.  Funerals, kids sports, family outings, vacations, and even work get in the way.  You need to be comfortable with moving the runs around, dropping the ones that can be dropped.  Squeezing in the ones that can’t.  Combining some speed work with the end of a moderate run.  Adding in “2-a-day” runs…which always feels like committing more time to it.

Learning – Learning from mistakes and from advice from others – Some times your friends will know a better way, and being able to take that in will help.  Knowing that not all runs are ideal and things go badly some times will help you too.  It was the only way I figured out that I can’t have Gatorade while running.  How I learned that I needed to stay hydrated more.

Dedication to the Task – Willingness to do what needs to be done, even when you don’t want to and when the weather isn’t at its ideal for that day – Sometimes it rains on race day (If you’re me, it usually rains on race day).  If its your goal race, you’re not going to suddenly drop out just because of rain…  but you need to learn how to run in the rain before race day, or you’re going to suffer.  You need to run in the rain when you train.  You need to learn where to put the anti-chafe cream.  Yes.  And.  You should probably buy anti-chafe cream.  For real.  See the point above..about learning from mistakes and taking advice.

Commitment – You could half-ass your training for a big race.  Sure.  My husband pulled it off for a few races himself, one of them a full marathon.  And, yeah, he finished.  And he was proud of himself, just like I was of him, but he has also learned that it’s not about just getting to the finish line for him.  He wants more fitness.  He wants to fit in suits he bought 8 years ago.  Half-assing the training and still getting a medal is one thing, but it’s not the ultimate goal.  The fitness of running requires sticking with it.   The races, when your goal is fitness, are just little treats and games along the path to break up the monotony of working out each day.  If the race is your goal, then you’ll want to do very well.  You’ll want to put everything out there.  But you want to have more to give than the next person too.  You can fake speed or strength for only so long.  These things, especially for longer races, require constant building and training.

Support  –    Supporting players in life: the running group, family, even the dog – any one that helps you get out the door, and who applauds your work and skills.  When I started running back in college, my only goal was to pass a fitness test to get employed.  I only needed to run a mile and a half in 16 minutes.  I didn’t have running friends, I didn’t know there was a running community.  I just went out and ran (Along some scary as hell “holler” in the mountains near my university…at night…by myself.  I was equally at risk of being attacked by a mountain lion as I was of being attacked by a crazed hill-jack protecting his drug fields in the woods).
Each day I called home and I excitedly told my mom how far I ran that day…and she’d be amazed ( if confused) and would celebrate over the phone with me about a new distance or a new speed. My husband, then boyfriend, would push me out of bed early mornings to run.  He’d lock me out of the house until  I went for a run.
I soon had friends cheering me along, even though none of them were runners… and then I was surrounded by people who wanted to stay fit, and who saw my accomplishments as a start-up runner as a big deal too.  And then I had the running group.
You’ll always find support for your running.  Just like you’ll always find people who would rather put it down.  Running can be hard.  It can be boring.  It can get really frustrating.  It can hurt.  It will hurt.  Having people behind you who encourage you through this will help you push through and keep on training – and you’ll be hooked and reaching goals before you know it!

 Planning and prioritizing skills – knowing when something can be done, planning a full scheduled week ahead of time so that there is time for running, and knowing when to postpone a run for something in life that requires time and attention sooner rather than later.  And, being able to know which runs should not be skipped (like the long runs or certain speed workouts)

Fearlessness – because sometimes you have to push past nerves and butterflies, or a little fear, in face of a big challenge (I had this before my first marathon, and again before my first 50k).  You have to suck it up, tell yourself that things will be ‘safe’ or ‘fine’ or that you’re smart enough to keep things in check and not get hurt or die…(I have a strange head-game when my mind goes against me before a race.  Its… sucky…and stupid… but it’s what I have to push through before races sometimes.  Its the overwhelming fear that “I could die out there”.  Or that my leg will break in half.  Literally.  In. Half.  Surely, I’m not the only one?)  You just have to show up, trust in your training, and go.
If you want to run competitively, or pull a fast time in a difficult distance, then you have to drop all your reservations and just go at it.  You have to “get a little crazy” one of my friends once told me.  You have to stop worrying about the bonk or the wall or that twinge of pain in your calf and just put it all out there.  Its terrifying.  Its rewarding.

“So?  Basically, all those characteristics and skills your current boss says you can’t do and don’t have?”  My sister commented smartly, her point happily made.


*An interesting point on my earlier comment:  In the process of clearing my name (and my “mental status”) I was required to meet with many and various mental health professionals.  During a meeting with one such professional, the question was asked, “How’s your motivation?  Do you have trouble setting goals and doing them?”
I mentioned running a marathon a month this year, and then added, “two weeks ago I ran two marathons in two days.”
He stared at me a long moment and said, “I don’t see any issues here.”

I was given my fourth “clean bill” of mental health in as many weeks.   So…  I can honestly say that running two marathons in two days does not qualify someone as “mentally ill”.  And that running has not made me crazy.

If anything – it was the proof of my sanity.



I’m Trying

As race season officially starts here in Cincinnati, I am struggling with my running.


I mean, I want to run – but forcing myself out for the time is harder than it was before.  I think I blew out my motivation last year with the marathon a month running.  I’m also in this awkward phase of getting used to a travel-based job where I cannot get myself out of bed on the two days I do get to sleep past 0430AM to meet anyone to run.


Oh, right, yeah…. my husband reminds me that I also woke up this morning muttering disjointedly about how, “This *expletive* I.T. band feels like it’s pulling my *expletive* bone to shards”.

So I have that going for me too….  as I face the first race of 2017 – a half marathon that my company is footing the bill for.  It’s one of the races that fell out of my favor a couple years ago because the group in charge is a bit…awful…  Course changes, date changes, cost flux, arguing with the racers…  I wouldn’t run it otherwise, but it’s free, and I want to race.

Buuuuut.  I don’t want to race.

Doesn’t make sense?   Heh, welcome to my life.

Back when the weather was in the 60s and pretty good for getting out and running, you know, like two days ago, signing up for this race seemed like a good idea.  I signed up more than two days ago…  while my IT band was still pretty bad, but I figured that since I was actually getting up to 10 miles and not hitting that painful moment where I just cannot push through… I thought, “maybe it’ll be better by race day…three weeks from now…”

It’s race weekend.  The weather is destined for the low 20s at start line….typical spring in Cincinnati…  IMG_8852

And although the pain is different from how it was back then, it’s a whole different level of discomfort – ie: it feels like the tendon and muscles are tearing from the bone.  It’s… it’s a new level of  ouch.  And I can run on it… and have been doing some exercises that a friend at the running store told me to add in.  Some weight lifting, when I am home or the hotel has a gym that’s worth something have also made a big impact.

Right now, looking toward tomorrow morning though?  I figure my big race strategy will be to run out like I normally do, hold on until I can no longer move my leg, and then freeze until my brother from another mother roles up to carry me while I hold his flag.

If things go well, which… honestly, who knows?  I’ll finish fine and either hang out while my husband does the 5k, or try to hobble the 5k along with him.  Afterward.  Clean up somewhere and then come back a couple hours later to celebrate with the coworkers – the majority of which are doing the 5k walk at noon.  Man, I want this injury to end so I can just run.  Run fun and run fast and, when I hit new places, just go exploring for as long as I can when I have the time.

Go away injury….. go away.


Everyone.  Pray for the death of my injury and the return of fun running.  Oh, and for a bout 10 more degrees of warmth for the start line tomorrow!



Sunset Chasers

I chase sunsets. 

Sunrises too, but I like stars, and its a bonus to be able to watch them come to view as everything darkens around me. 

Sometimes i chase with my running.  Sometimes i follow them by car – until i find a good spot to stop and watch. 

But i do stop. 

I still. 

And i watch. 

I let darkness wrap me up from behind and i breathe deep.   I let the world fall away, and me with it. Until there is nothing but the sun, the moon, and the stars. 

I guess i lean more toward sunsets over sunrises because i used to work evenings and nights, and it was always easier for me to see one over the other.  

Lately I see both all the time. More than just being winter and the two are reasonably close to each other in timing. I wake up early to run, and work tends to keep me out past night fall.

My last run, yesterday in Flowood Mississippi, took a longer time than normal, because i stopped and zoned out for so long, staring at the stars in the sky and then watching the clouds slowly glow whiter and whiter as the sun started to break the horizon. 

It was wonderful. 

Just like tonight’s sunset. 

A random, old guy once told me, (unsolicited) when I first started really getting into photography, that the only worthwhile sunsets were in the spring and the fall – bc there would always be clouds, and clouds made the scene beautiful. 

I’ll admit, its cool to see the light refracted into all the shades and splashed across the sky like a paint spill – the glowing gold edges that illuminate the linings of each darkening purple or gray or red cloud. Its fun to catch sight of a sundog reflecting the sun back to itself, or a small rainbow spilling off a cloud, without the rain.  

But i think every sunset (and sunrise) is best. Because it means you can see the sun. Unlike a rainy day, when its hidden and you only notice that its suddenly dark. 

Its cool to see the beams of light rising off the sun, even if the sky is nothing but various shades of blue – ranging from near – white to deepest dark. Not necessarily dynamic enough to always warrant a photo, sure. But worth taking the moment to watch all the same. 

But then, I am memorized by the clearest blue sky, and sometimes try to see if i can capture all those blue hues – to stare at on the grayest of winter days. 

That I sometimes miss a turn during a run or stop entirely just to… watch the clear sky. Because its perfect. The only perfect thing we’ve got. Even when its raging in a storm, it remains beautiful…

Its beautiful when you’re in the sky too. 



Enjoy a sunset.  Or a sunrise. Clouds or not.  

There’s always the Lake

My work puts me in sometimes the most out there, random areas…places that don’t have sidewalks, and barely have places to stop in to eat.  Some places are better-known cities – with sidewalks and poor reputations in some neighborhoods.

Everywhere has a lake.


It seems, any time I want to go for a run, that’s the thing I tend to have to ask about.
“Where’s a good place to run around here?” never seems to get me anywhere with rental car dealers, airport officials, or hotel hosts.   They tend to stare a little blankly.  Which, I’m not sure, could be better than the reaction I usually get when I ask, “What’s a good local place to eat?”  Typically, that second question earns me a snide, “I’m not from here.”

I guess it’s the concept of going outside somewhere and running.


Especially since this is technically winter, even if most of the places I’m at are experiencing weather in the 60s, on average.  For reference, here at home today, it’s 20F.  I am not acclimated to the cold.  I’m also not healed.  My IT band…which is now just the whole leg… gets pretty sharply painful around mile 4-5.


So I stand in front of these various dumbstruck people, hiding behind their desks to keep this crazy person at bay, waiting to be told a good spot to go for a short run.  Finally, as their heads start to shake, whatever in my question that caused their circuts to hiccup fading, and I leap again…an easy question: “Is there a lake with a path or a park somewhere nearby at least?”

That does it.  They come back to life.  Oh!  There’s a lake!

It worked in Pennsylvania.


And that brought me to a beautiful spot, a 4 mile path, and great sights as I ran in the drizzle after a winter storm – the fog rolling.

It worked in Rosewell, where I was told there were lakes – but for running, I should just go over to the park up the road.  Both were worthwhile spots.  Especially since the lady told me to see the lakes toward sunset.


Or how about in Baton-Rouge, where I was lucky enough that one of my friends used to live there – before my plane finished taxiing to the gate, she had told me exactly where to run.


When I spent this past week in Oklahoma, the hotel staff proudly pointed out the back door of the lobby.  “Running ?  Gurl, your trail is right there.  It’s 16 miles long.  It goes everywhere.  It’s illuminated.  Go have fun!”

That river trail aside, Oklahoma City also has a lake.  And the entire local running club will tell you to go there.  It’s worth it, for sure. Especially at sunset.  I’m sure sunrise would be equally rewarding.  It’s not quiet or devoid of other runners. 


Most of my other runs all over the areas I’ve been this winter have been spookily alone.  Barely even seeing vehicles out on the roads sometimes.  In the early dawn hours, in these new places, that gets a bit…  eh…  creepy.  But running at Lake Hefner was like being at a race, or a big running festival, where there were tons of people out.  It was warm, if a bit too windy.  And some 75 year old passed me on her bike..  I think I heard her call me a sissy as she passed.

Next week I head to Mississippi.  It’ll be another new spot for me.  There is a lake…  but there’s also a lot of “Don’t run this area.  It’s dangerous.”  There are a few locations recommended, but they’re far enough away from where I’m staying, that I won’t have the time to travel, run, travel, clean up, and make it to work on time.  So, I’m kinda worried that despite the ideal running temps there, I’ll be trapped on a treadmill.

Anyone from Jackson MS on here wanna give up some running locales?  Maybe the lakes?





Hey?  Did you know I have a Facebook Page?  Go like the hell outta that page!  I often update with a photo of where I’m running that week.
I also have the Instagram.  (Because everything is funnier with “the” in front of it).  Follow my adventures there as well!