2 years ago today

Facebook does those memories things… for a while, i guess i didn’t do anything bc they stopped popping up… but in the last couple of days, they have reappeared… dragging up old thoughts and feelings… and leaving me realizing that i don’t want anything to do with my past self.

2 years ago today… i was working in Daytona Beach. I was miserable, lost, and so f-ing lonely. Every time it was time to drive to the airport and head home, i had to fight a stronger and stronger urge to just drive in a direction as far as i could and disappear. I had already disappeared from what i knew my life to be, already disappeared from the thoughts of just about everyone i thought was a friend, and had nothing at home but a husband who i felt i was more a burden to than a love. I was ready to stop ruining everyones life. And every time i reached out to someone i thought was a friend to ask for advice or guidance or help… i was told i was “living the life” and that they’d kill to be doing what i was doing – that i should be grateful.

I felt like a useless burden that had no purpose and wanted more than anything to just die…. and no one wanted to hear that or cared… i just needed to be happy with where i was. With the absolute pile of nothing i felt like. I lost interest in doing anything. I couldnt plan or schedule anything in my life bc my work became so unpredictable. I was always jet-lagged. Always. I was told it was my choice to be that way. That I decided to have this. I had no control over anything. No part if my life was mine anymore. Someone else determined where i stood, what i ate, when i got to sleep and how long… what bed i slept in and who i talked to. And in all of this, i was loosing money and severely underpaid. I was facing loosing a home i never got to see. Just another loss in a long collection of losses.

A loss that would have been too much on the already giant pile of bad my life had turned.

And i had no one. No one left to go to.

Now my life feels back on track. And i spend every day wondering what fuck up i’m going to make that will end it all again. I cant enjoy this very much bc the first day i slow down and think about it, i break down over exactly how easily other people can take everything from me and how easily forgotten i am… how easily the world remembers that i dont fucking matter. How little worth i have to offer.

Most of the time i keep it together and i let go and ride the high… but i don’t enjoy certain things anymore. I don’t enjoy running – i don’t enjoy being out on my own any more. I don’t play guitar… i cant listen to just music … i don’t know what to do to enjoy times when i don’t have anything already set up to do… when my husband isn’t around for me to distract myself with. When i’m alone again.

Running has been hard this past year. I’ve had some good starts this year, and i hope things are moving toward the better with that. My husband has really started putting in miles and running / cycling too. Things finally look up. I know better. I know theres no such thing as friends. And i know that i’m worthless. And knowing this makes it easier to move through the world and not get so hurt again.

I just gotta get used to running alone.


Touring Detroit, MI

*This is about touring around the City of Detroit, MI and Windsor, Canada prior to the Detroit Free-Press Marathon.  The next post will concern itself entirely with just the marathon.  **


We arrived in Detroit, Michigan, mid-morning.


It wasn’t too chilly, not warm… just right for a fall race.

I’ve never been to Detroit. In fact, in making my plans for being there and in requesting the time off for a vacation, when I told people we were heading to Detroit, the question was always, “Why, though?”  An understanding seems to hold over people that Detroit doesn’t actually have much to offer tourists.  At least, not beyond the criminal dangers.  I was even asked if I was going to make sure I brought my gun along.  My husband cracked jokes that we were going to see that Robocop wasn’t just a fiction movie, but a documentary of Detroit.


Let me say, first impressions of the town made me worry that my husband and friends were right.  The first few buildings we passed were abandoned and decrepit.  There were fenced-in, empty lots, with trash bags and trash piling so high along the fences in areas that the trash was tumbling over to the sidewalk and streets. And many of the streets into town were hellishly potholed.

I fretted as we checked into the hotel – the Double Tree at Fort Selby…  it’s the choice hotel for being in town for the marathon, really.  Mere blocks from the start and finish lines, blocks from the convention center, and not so deep downtown that you fight traffic to get in and out of the City from it. Valets accost you from the get-go, advising that the only way to park for the hotel is by valet.  It’s not true, but the hotel also did not recommend using the nearby lots for security reasons.  Valet said they’d be $32/night, and charged to the room as part of the stay, but that was a lie.  In fact, it was cheaper!   At $25/night for our stay at least.  Even the charge for the hotel was proposed to be higher than it was when we actually checked out.  I have no complaints about this hotel.  Well. The faucet in the bathroom leaked a lot and the water pressure in general was mostly non-existent, but the staff was nice and the host on our first day gave us a post it note containing all the places he recommended we go to eat.  He was the one who clued us in about Detroit’s big secret:  It’s a foodie town now.


We set out around noon to grab our kits from the expo.  The expo hadn’t opened yet, and wouldn’t for another hour or so, but there was a line forming already.  We opted to grab some lunch and come back.

At this point, I’m torn…. Do I turn this into a blog about the amazing food and people in Detroit?  Do I wax on about how pleasant people were and the surprise friendliness in a very northern city?  Or do I stick to the point of the blog in general and just talk about the marathon itself?


The fact is.  I have to tell you all of it.  Because if we were just there for the run and gone, the experience of that City would be cheapened.  I think a lot of that marathon that I enjoyed was because of how I enjoyed the town before I went into it.  Otherwise, folks, this was a quiet marathon…. nothing like the big city stuff you get from Chicago or New York….  And nothing like the dying city you get from Tulsa’s Route 66 Marathon.  No.  This city is still kicking, and to know that, you have to be here for more than a quiet marathon.  You have to see the city as well as run through it.

The Expo wasn’t anything special.  Typical expo setting.  My husband and I signed up for international events, so we were expected to show our passports to get our kits, which was no big deal for us.  The most notable thing about the whole situation was the amount of police in the area while getting our kits.  There were clusters of them everywhere in that part of the event.   The stick guy wanted to demo the stick for me, but I told him I have one and Love it…and he gave me a sticker… they have a sticker specifically for if you say, “I love the stick”.  Guys.

After the expo, my husband and I decided to wander the City for some food.  With our car safely tucked away in whatever pocket realm the valet shoves the vehicles in here, we would determine a heading for wherever we were going to go and just walk.  On our way in, my husband noticed a large building bearing the signage claiming to be Michigan’s oldest, and one of the largest used and rare bookstores.  We decided a couple hours spent wandering in this shop would give us something low-intensity to do and keep us out of the cold.

Marathon-wisdom and unwritten (Though often, over-written by any and every magazine) rules of marathoning will tell you don’t spend too much time on your feet the days before a marathon. I’m here to tell you that maybe that is a true thing… if you’re aiming for Boston times or to win or PR.  But my training season has been probably the shittiest I’ve ever run.   I had my brain set on an outcome of “hopefully it’ll only be 4 hours and 45 minutes for this one…” and I was fearing entirely that I would run a 6-hour marathon sufferfest.  After all, that’s what all my training was pointing toward.  Both of my 20-mile runs took 5 hours or more to do.  True, I didn’t just go out and run them, I opted a run/walk group to start one with and an ultra-runner who hates going the full distance in one go to train with on those runs.  But I still struggled, and that hurt my confidence a lot.  I confided a lot of concern about the distance to my husband in the build up to the marathon.  And doing these walks through the city to our destinations actually did help keep my nervousness in check.  Moving would be better than laying around reading – or just thinking about how much I expected my marathon to suck on Sunday.  No.  We needed to tour.


The bookstore was five floors of “holy hell are they for real?”  It was like something out of a movie or novel itself.  While my husband paced through the various floors and looked at all the offerings, I found myself sitting on the floor in the back of a dark 2ndfloor paging through magic books to see if any were worth picking up. Books and magazines from the 1920s on with magic tricks and notes on how to present the tricks…  I was super tempted.  There were signs everywhere about “no professional photography” so I figured I was safe to take a couple photos of the place.  Lemme tell you.  I almost suspect that this bookstore exists in every City, at every time. That you could go through the wrong door and end up not in the City you started in.


The bookstore was a good diversion, but it did not protect us from the chill as the cold settled into the air of Detroit.  It doesn’t matter that most of my training was in 90-degree days, or that up until the last week, the temps have been in the 70-80s (F).  No.  We were suddenly going to have 30s and “feels like temps” in the 20s for race weekend.

As we paced the many, many stacks, the cold seeped into the building.  Maybe it was me, sitting in that dark back corner, but it only added to the place’s mystique.  To be fair, back on the 1stfloor, where people were more available to be observed as they entered and left, and where the lights were on full blast, and they had what they called “comfy chairs’ for people to sit and relax and read. Here, I found my space to people watch. Everyone, from customers to workers were so kind and smiled as our eyes caught.  Maybe the exterior of this building fit the theme of what I expected from Detroit, but in the end, the people were not dilapidated.  The people were not spent and torn.  The people, were the experience.

When I finally convinced my husband that there was more to the world than this bookstore, like… food… we were able to leave.  We headed into downtown, taking one of the recommendations from the list given us by the hotel host.  Wright and Co. was a small plate, steam-punkish, and almost hidden away gem for our first dinner in Detroit.  My husband and I laughed over the negative reviews we found – one lady proclaiming that the place was awful because she couldn’t find the entrance….  Okay, she may have been onto something.  The entrance being a rear building side door used for residents of the apartments as well.  I did stare dumbly at the elevator buttons for a long time before my husband located the actual elevator buttons and got us started up.


Wright and Co, sits on the second floor, has a dark atmosphere, and serves amazing food and drinks for sharing. Another poor review was from a man who bemoaned that this was the worst place to go on a date because the plates were so small and “you’ll never get full.”


Readers.  This is the ideal place to take someone for a date. Women don’t want to feel or look like they’re overeating on a date, and they want real food more often than not – not to feel obligated to have salads.  It’s a bit pricey… but if you want a special night, of really good food and drinks… then this is a perfect date night spot.  My husband entertained ourselves over the amazing food trying to guess what that bad rater thought he was getting into with this place…. And how badly his date night must have gone.

Our date night, on the other hand, went beautifully.  We were entertained by the atmosphere, and the people around us, and the staff were excellent.  We left the place for our walk home in the brisk air.  Brisk.  Soberingly brisk.  With rain drops.  Our weekend was turning cold.

Our first night proved two points:  one, that it is excellent to be so near the race event placements because trying to get the car in and out of parking is lame as helllll.   But also.  It’s lovely to sleep until the last minute and then still make it to the race start without issue or concern.  But. On the other side of this coin, we have the overnight pre-race set up.

Friday into Saturday, the crews worked all night long, dropping things, backing up beepy trucks, and yelling at each other.  All. Night.  Long.  After all, they had to set up for Saturday’s 5 and 10ks.  Which I thought were farther away from our hotel than the marathon and half marathon, but in a city, sounds echo.  In the end, it was a long, very unrestful night.



Saturday, we slept in a little, and woke for an easy shake out run of a little more than 2 miles.  We made our way to the river front, where we determined, based on the statues there, that Detroit is really a crashed space ship… and we had found the Stargate.


The riverfront was actually quite pretty.  And, as we made our way back toward our hotel, was full of other runners out getting the traditional miles before the race run in.  I think I had more fun with the run than my husband, but he did appreciate being out there for it.  It was perfect weather for being out on a run.  And it was a beautiful sun rise over the river and viewing Canada.


We then made our walk toward another one of our hotel host’s recommended food spots.  It’s a good thing we made the journey on foot again, since parking is a serious premium in this City.  There was a tailgate party for the big rivalry sportball game that would be played that day.  There were people everywhere.   And the breakfast spot we chose, a place called Park and Rec was starting to get crowded all over for the brunch hour rush.  We managed seats pretty quickly, despite the crowd, at the “bar”, and with coffees, menus, and a mimosa ordered, we were comfy to watch the crowd flow around us.  The restaurant was very small, for the amount of people there – both serving, served, and waiting to eat.  We were lucky getting in like we did.  The menu was a bit…  specialized… which isn’t bad, just, be sure about what you want.  I ordered the avocado toast – which is usually my solid jam – with a poached egg added to the dish.  They cover the avocado toast with a super sweet candied pistachio… and it turns the dish from something savory to something a bit too sweet.  And.  It is small. Even with the egg it was not so much a filling meal, but it was a delicious one.  For my day, it was fine, but it wasn’t what I expected from ordering avocado toast in the past.  The mimosa was wonderful, and the coffee were also delicious.  In all, the atmosphere here and the food was great, but be sure to choose your food appropriately.


We wandered back to the hotel, packed some snacks, and decided to make our way across the boarder for, as sad as it may be, our first trip out of the US together.  Now, we’ve both been to other countries on our own while we were dating.  He’s gone to Paris and England, and I’ve been to Ireland a couple of times and Canada a few times before.  But this, this was our first time with each other, leaving the US.  And it was to Windsor, of all places.

I’m telling you guys, a trip across that bridge into Canada is worth it!  That view, though!  And, while true, we would be running that bridge the next day, it was still worth seeing from the car as well.  Who doesn’t like a tour of the course before race day?  Though, our plan was not to check out the course – I actually think I do better when I don’t know what’s facing me.  The course becomes a surprise that way.  We found a national park – “the southernmost point of Canada” – called Point Pelle.  It was supposed to have all manner of wildlife and birds and whatnot and we were excited to get there.

Except that getting there was a bit of an adventure.  Between not thinking about getting a map prior to leaving the US, not having international data plans for accessing directions on line, and the many, many, many detours that Canada had set up taking us away from the main routes and what our screen captures of directions were telling us to do – it was an educated guessing game to get to the park.  But it was WORTH IT!


Seriously folks, if you ever get the chance to head out to Detroit, and you can swing a day trip into Canada… it’s about an hour, but it’s completely worth it if you like natural sights.


While there, a storm blew in and terrorized the area, bringing the temps down even lower than they were to start, and dropping hail on us.  We puttered the gift shop before turning back to US soil.

Back in Detroit, we headed to another location on the list from our Hotel Host.  Lumen was busy as we (over)paid to park in the lot beside it. Hail was screaming down on us now, and it looked like snow, with it collecting all over the roads and other vehicles.  Full disclosure, readers?  I didn’t want to run this marathon.  My training was absolute shit all summer coming toward this race, and I was honestly worried that it would take 6 or more hours for me to do this run.  I kept trying to talk myself into believing that even if it went down to a sufferfest, I’d still manage about 4:30 hrs…   Watching that hailstorm from the car outside our dinner spot, I knew…I knew that if I woke up and the weather was the same in the morning, I would not be running.

Dinner, like every other meal we went for in this City was delicious and wonderful.  The staff at Lumen were very kind and pleasant – the manager allowing us to squeeze into a table between reservations on it.  My husband was blown away by his pot roast.  My gnocchi was pretty much the best thing I’d ever had. We shared an appetizer of the fries, and that was unbelievable.  It was just fries for the love of God, but they were delicious!

Fully carbed and ready to … fall completely asleep…  we went out into the very, very cold night and drove home to try and get as much sleep as possible before the start of what would be my 24thmarathon.


To Be Continued….


6 months in the Skies


I have been traveling weekly for about 6 months now.

What I’ve found about this experience is that traveling for work involves way more time spent in airports than in locations.

I’ve learned, as I put out there in a previous blog entry – that “there’s always a lake”.  And asking about places to run gets weird looks but asking where the nearest lake and trails are doesn’t get an eye-bat.

I learned that running along the highway in the desert is a terrible idea, no matter how close the park seems to the hotel – because cacti exist and they hurt when you kick them.

I’ve always known that the best way to see a new area is to run it, but it has become more and more true as I get an hour here or there each day to either eat, sleep, sight-see, or run.  I always end up choosing run, and I manage to get some sights in with that.

For training, eh …. things are still a struggle.  I think the marathon a month broke my IT band pretty badly.  In the last couple of weeks I’ve managed to top out at 10 miles without having to stop.  Last week I ran two days (one in Scranton, PA, and the other on a treadmill back here at home).  It hurts… but not as badly as it did three weeks ago.  So… I guesssss I’m getting better….  but it’s taking longer because…well…

Some times when a hotel says they have a workout room or a gym?  They really mean, “we have a display model treadmill that sometimes works in a non-air conditioned closet with two or three weights”.  There’s no other option but a run at this point.  And most ‘local gyms” aren’t open when I get done with my actual work.

I know from other injuries that working through them keeps you from “losing” all the fitness… but, it does mean that the recovery is slower.  You don’t start over from the bottom, but you do spend longer in the middle…


Hudy 14k

Saturday morning brought more than just the start of spring – it brought the start of fall race season (pretty much my only racing season this year…ugh…I’ll explain) and the Hudepohl Brewery Run.  Don’t know what the hell a Hudepohl is?  Me neither.  Just that it’s a local brewery here in the sprawling City of Cincinnati.  The Hudy is a 14 or 7k run, often done in costume, and with the option to be a costumed team tethered together for the duration of the race.


A modestly late start time for morning races, 8AM, gets you a beautiful sunrise over the very well designed and planted riverfront parks.  The race was crowded, yet another sold out run for the Flying Pig Organization, who hosts pretty much all of the big races in the area.

I have struggled all summer with my training – a common theme among the runners I chatted with along the 8.7 mile course through the…uh… less picturesque but slightly more hilly historic parts of the city.  My energy took a major dive and my runs became difficult sufferfests as I struggled to breathe, struggled to pick up heavy legs, and struggled to push through it all to finish the miles that, all of a few months ago, were easier than sitting on a couch for me to complete.  It wasn’t the heat…. I tend to log my PRs in the hot and humid summer season.  My BQ goal has taken a backseat again.  I’m hoping to have this thing figured out….ideally before my run at the Detroit Free Press Marathon…. but let’s be honest….medical professionals have no idea what’s going on with me right now, so I’m hoping I’ll have an answer and all the energy in the world back next year for another, far more serious, attempt at the BQ and the race of my dreams.


Saturday’s pre-race prep consisted mostly of me walking the dog and feeling like my stomach was in rebellion.  No idea what the deal was, but I was not feeling confident in my tummy’s integrity all the way up to the start of the race.

This race is the kind that fires the starter pistol, and then encourages a fast first mile by pumping the chicken dance over the speakers.  My husband and I started out together, chatting and laughing, and I jumped into a couple of random people’s selfies as we hit the start line and started our jog.  There were so many people in the race that it didn’t take any work to keep the pace slower.  At about a half mile, the races split and I tucked in with some stranger I decided to bother about her tattoos.  From there, I tried to go from tattooed runner to tattooed runner – asking about the meanings, where it was done, and if they’d recommend the artist (Spoiler, only one person wouldn’t).  It was a ton of fun, and one lady stuck with me because she thought it was hilarious that I was even doing that.

By mile 3, I ran out of tattooed runners.  I toyed with the idea of shouting out, “Any runners with tattoos that aren’t showing wanna tell me about them!?” but it seemed like it might not have gone over as well and I would’ve liked.  We passed through the area the Bockfest 5k starts and ends, and the porta-potty lines was full of life, as the people danced to the music pumping from a near-by DJ.

I managed to tuck in with “Bob” for a while, sharing marathon stories and talking about current local issues.  Oh, and about whether we liked the course being run backwards this year.  I actually kinda did – and secretly kind of wonder what the Flying Pig marathon would be like, run backwards in the actual race.


Bob fell back during a water stop around the 6th mile, and I was in a dilemma of finding someone new to distract myself with.  My pace was up significantly from what I started at, and so my crowd at this pace was a different type of group.  They looked a little more serious, some were falling back as they started to walk from over-efforts to early on, and just about every single one of them had ear buds in.  I’ve learned that people get a bit annoyed when you talk at them and they have to take their earbuds out.

By mile 7.5, I had decided to try to keep pace with a guy in green who told his friends that he was “going to try and shave off some time” in the last miles.  In the last half mile of the race, some woman started pushing and I called at her about bringing it in strong.  “Hell yeah!  Lets do it!” was her response.  We started putting on the speed, and so did the wind we were suddenly running into.  She fell back a little, but now I was just wanting the whole thing over with.

My finish kick was pretty solid, and with my Garmin claiming a 5:45 pace for that last quarter-mile, I crossed the finish with 1:20:15 watch time (chip time was pretty close to this, showing 19 seconds instead of 15).  Considering the amount of bullshit my running has felt like all summer, and my resulting reluctance to run with anyone else or a group or even consider wasting my time at a race I’d likely do poorly at – I was very happy with this result.

It felt good to be back out there – making friends along the course, sharing stories and fun times (Bob highly recommends the New York City Marathon, by the way.  He says every runner should try it once), and seeing some of my former running group out there having a good time too.  My husband managed his run in about 55 minutes.  He said he didn’t need to walk a whole lot, and that he actually felt really good after this one.

In all, this was a great day, and another great run by the Flying Pig group.


Thanks for stopping by!



41st Straight Street Hill Climb

It was a pretty good morning to hit the start line for the 41st running of the straight street hill climb.

Man, does a36% incline hill make 0.3 miles seem longer.

It was chilly, but not as cold as predicted. Just cold enough to make sure everyone left with the straight street cough. I never realized how badly exhaustion affected my running until the last three months working changing shifts weekly. It has taken a toll on my sleep and my eating rhythms… by destroying them… but i really felt it the last couple of days out running. And on this run.

There hasnt been a year that i didn’t have to walk some part of the hill, but this year was more walk than run. I’d feel more ashamed, except that i was just so damn proud that i got out for it. Despite the walk, i still managed 3rd in my wicked-large age division (20-34).

I stuck around to watch Minh give a shot at the bike-run-run challenge. Glad i didnt sign up for that – though now i think i may actually train and try for a good result next year in the run… and bring along a bike to do the bike race too. Buuuuuut, i dont know.

Next up for me? Well – i accidentally… uh…. last minute decided i wanted another marathon, and signed up to run jacksonville in December. I’ll be able to knock FL off my 50 states goal, have a laid-back marathon, and enjoy a family vacation with the in-laws as we visit my husbands grandmother and aunt with his brother and mom. I am unreasonably excited about this trip!

Enjoy the photos, and stay warm and bright in your winter runs!

Change and Winning

It seems like every time there’s a big change in life, it takes a couple of months to get your shit back together enough to find words to give people, and to see how your life can settle around that change.

About a month ago, I changed careers again – a second time in a year.  The good news is that it was back to my original career, so I don’t feel as lost or as much as a failure as before.   But for some reason, that failure sensation remains.

Throughout this change my house has fallen to a state of tottering on ‘always a mess’, and our laundry doesnt come back into our bedroom after it’s clean…. it all mostly lives in the basement – dirty clothes at the bottom of the stairs where they pile up and clean clothes in the laundry baskets beside the washer/dryer.  Anyone else feel this?  Is this the real purpose in having kids?  So that you have someone else to force into finishing the chores?   

I’m not sure if this change is a full “win” or not right now.  But I don’t regret it.  There’s a lot going on that I was misled about….and yet, it still feels better than I was doing over the last year.

Despite the unpredictable schedule that defines this new job too, I’m staying pretty strong on my training plan.  And I’m racing really well in the 5ks this summer, like I wanted!


Most of the 5ks I’ve run this summer have had some kind of gimmick or theme that made it sound fun or different.  You know?  Something to make it more than just a 5k.


Early in the summer, I signed my husband, my ‘race husband’ Minh, and myself up for what I thought was a 5k (It was actually a 7k…it even said so on the site.  I need to learn to pay attention to race stuff when I sign up) in Mansfeild Ohio.  The race, the Shawshank Hustle, ran around the prison and town that served as the location for the Shawshank Redemption movie.  I cam in first for my age group, despite overheating pretty hard in the last mile and having to break into a short walk in order to breathe.  IMG_1512Hanging around the area after to tour the prison and ride a merry-go-round made for a great day.


Back in July, for the 4th, I ran the local running store’s 5k, and although I was hedged out of placing for my age group, I did get within the top 15 women (13th), which earned a pretty awesome running store sweatshirt for me.  And.  I LOVE THIS SHIRT!  Guys.  I won something that fits right, looks awesome, and …. hell… I WON IT!

Following the July race, I signed up for a race called “the meltdown”.   The challenge… I almost wanted to write gimmick…  for this race was that you’d have 3 5ks, one starting on the hour each hour.  You could run any number of these, one to all three of them, but if you wanted a medal, you had to do all three.  When I started running, I was under the impression that only the people who ran well enough to place in all three would take trophies for their successes.  I didn’t have any expectation to do well…at least not beyond race 1.  So I went all-out in that first go.  I picked off runners ahead of me, all the while chasing one of the guys, who put on more speed every time I got closer to him.  As I made the final turn toward their finish line, the RD called out, “You’re the first woman!  Yay!” and I responded like I always do, “HOLY SHIT NO WAY!”

Race 1 I finished in 21:42, not my PR, but also, not bad.  I grabbed water, cheered on my friends, Matt and my race husband, and decided that I would just run comfortably in the next two.  Race 2 started, and I felt a lot stronger than I thought I would after that first solid effort.  I started out fast, again, and decided I’d just tuck into the pace of the woman who, if her comments were to be believed, really wanted to win this thing.  She set a good pace for the first mile or so, but then I don’t knwo what happened…. I just… passed her.  Then I passed the little middle school track star again….  and… suddenly I was in first place.  Track star gave chase, and I just pushed through it, dropping her with a little less than a mile to go.  And then there I was.  Winning the second race, at 21:49.
When they called us to line up for the third race, I was having serious thoughts about not running.  I did not feel as strong going up to the line this time, and had committed to sit back and ride this one easy.  Then the gun.  Then the running.  And then the storm.
A rain storm was rolling in as I finished the second race, and the winds kicked up.  By the time we made the first turn a quarter mile into the 3rd race, rain drops were starting to fall inconsistent, but certain.  I tucked into the pace of a guy wearing the Marine Corps marathon shirt and shorts.  We chatted and pulled each other through the race.  This time, I passed the other two women, the one who wanted to win and the track star, much earlier than I had in the other two races.  If it weren’t for the MCM guy, I would have dropped back pretty hard after the halfway point.  I remember feeling like I was pushing harder and running faster than the other two races, and then checking my watch to see that I was actually running…uh…30 seconds slower per minute than the last race.  I took first woman again, running a slow 22:02 for the third race.

I had to call my husband to tell him I was going to be late getting home because I “accidentally won the whole thing and need to stay for awards”.    He snorted and told me that no one accidentally wins anything, and that he was proud of me.

A couple weeks ago, a larger group join my husbands and me for the Kentucky Symphony Orchestra’s Beethoven’s 5k.  The challenge here was to run the 5k faster than the Symphony performed Beethoven’s 5th. 

After the first two measures, the traditional “Bum BUm Bah Bummmm” the pistol sounded and we were off.  And for the first mile, I was in the lead.  On my shoulder was another woman, running a strong 6:50 min mile.  Behind her?  A large gap.  The park this run goes through is nothing but a giant hill.  It is one of the best overlooks for the city of Cincinnati.  I knew I wasn’t going to keep this pace.  She murmured that she could keep this up all day.  And then she dusted me.  Shit, she’s a strong runner.  I kept her in sight, struggling up the hills around the turn around, and back to head up the large hill we started on.  I was reeling her in halfway up the last hill, but she still had more in the tank and just dropped the hammer as she crested the top.  I poured on what I had left of speed, but it was like my legs were no longer connected to me.  The message to go faster was delivered, crumpled up and pointedly ignored.  I came in second overall, and second female overall, and first in age group with a well earned 21:40.  I think there’s a theme here, on my 5k times…  Anyway, I missed out on taking home a sweet Beethoven bust trophy by about 40 seconds.  But I did beat the song, which the Conductor would admit at the end, they cut two notes from to cheat.

And that’s my racing so far.  The long runs in my training plan… they’re happening… but they’re mostly me out by myself and lonesome and boring right now.  I desperately need my running group friends, and have no opportunities to get out to them.  The small running group I started up for the place I was working at before is still going strong – still meeting, and still bringing my husband out with them.  I couldn’t be more proud of that!  I’m trying to build a running group at my new work space, but with our hours jumping all over the place, and the fact that it’s almost an hour and a half drive one way for me to get there, I’m not sure I can get that off the ground as successfully.

How is your summer racing and running going?  Whats your fall race goal? 


Run Happy!

Honest Review: The Beats by Dre Powerbeats3


HonestlyDo. Not. Buy.
Score:  3 out of 10
Pros:  Great fit, great sound, better than most at remaining in ear during workouts, wireless, battery life is wicked good,
Cons:  Not reliable, do not work, multiple issues, expensive, easily become junk, charging issues, volume issues, bluetooth issues, company doesn’t repair


December – These earbuds were recommended to me by the IT guy for my office.  He swore up and down that these were the only headphones I’ll ever need, and that with the “3” iteration, all the issues were resolved and they’d be a dream.  Excited, and finding a corporate deal through our company, I ordered my pair!

They did not arrive until February.  beats blue 1

But when they came?  Guys.  I was in heaven.

They fit like a damn dream.  The sound was great.  There was no noise breaking through.  Not only could I listen comfortably while in the office or the gym – but I could use them on the airplanes and it was perfect for blocking out the engine roar.

Running was a bit awkward, trying to get the cord situated such that it didn’t pull one or the other ear bud out.  And then, to run with one out-of-ear so I could pay attention to my surroundings (Like you should while running the roads) that took some work as well.

In all – I was very happy with these!


It was out of the blue, while trying to knock out some miles before work that I started realizing that I wasn’t listening to music.  The volume had jumped to “0” while I was running.  Confused, I manually upped the volume on the phone and kept running…. but it kept happening.  Constantly.  My miles were broken up by me constantly pushing the volume back up to a level I could hear it at.

I mean, it was odd…but then it went away…  Until it didn’t.  Eventually, it was very common, that I would have to hold my phone in my hand while running outside in order to battle the volume changes that were happening.  But that was just a few times…nothing constant.  It wasn’t happening every time I used them…so I just figured it was me.

By mid-March, the headphones wouldn’t even change from a blinking red “needs charge” light to “charged’ white light.  It just blinked red all the time.

In all, it was about a full week for the headphones to go from volume madness to complete dud.

I hit the forums and found complaints….hundreds and hundreds of complaints.  Apparently I wasn’t the only person running into these issues.

Following the forum suggestions: I tried a hard reset – but that wouldn’t do anything for the headphones that wouldn’t even recognize electricity.  I plugged them into my computer and logged into the Beats by Dre web.  I updated them.  I named them.  They showed 0% charge for the three days that they sat on my computer.

I ordered a new pair, this time at full price ($220), through Best Buy and picked them up the same day.

shock yellow

Pair #2 were hott.  I liked the “shock yellow” version.  They looked bright and cool, and…. they worked!

The Best Buy staff working in the sound department commented that they wouldn’t buy this brand.  They specifically pointed out a different brand and noted that they were cheaper, more reliable, and none had been returned like these beats were.

Well.  They worked for about two weeks.  Then the volume started jumping low and high.  Ear-drum destroying high.  I think I preferred the drop to low volume.  But then something new happened too…it stopped the music and skipped songs.  I tried to turn them off to disconnect them from my phone, but they wouldn’t turn off.  I had to plug them into the charger in order to get them to …just… stop.  Hard resets and turning off for a bit did nothing to settle these down.

We tested paring them to different versions of the iPhone to see if it was just because I didn’t have the iPhone 7.  That made no difference.  We watched the volume pop high and low constantly on the IT guy’s phone before it skipped songs and stopped…. but would not turn off.

Those were returned, I got the black pair.


One of my coworkers, someone who ordered his the same time as the IT guy and  I did, suffered no issues.
“Not even working out?”
“None.  Mine are perfect.  You should get the black pair.  That’s clearly the problem.”
The IT guy had no problems.
Even the girl behind me that just got hers (The blue and gray ones, like what I started with) had no problems.

The issues started four days in.

I was starting to wonder what I was doing wrong.  I was careful with them.  I avoided running outside because I didn’t want to expose them to weather that would cause them to crap out.  I carried them with a gentleness I couldn’t possibly possess.  I took care of these things.  We thought maybe it was the sweat….but aren’t these supposed to be sweat proof? I even started thinking that it was just because I used them on Sundays….because that had been the day things really went wrong for the last two pairs.

That’s dumb.  I know.  There is literally no rhyme or reason, and Apple (the actual owners of this product) and Beats by Dre both are mum on what’s going on or how to fix it.  Or how to prevent it.


Pair three was returned for a 4th chance.

beats blue 1

I was back in the blues.  By the end of the first week, I was feeling confident.  Clearly, despite my coworkers confirming that they worked out in theirs and used theirs all day long at the office, there was something going on.  But this pair?  I was able to go 20 miles one day without any issues.  Wear them each morning for walking the dog, all day at the office, and then for the workout in the hot evenings.  This was it.  I was certain.  I was in a good pair.  And then, 17 days in, they not only started jumping the volume like all the other pairs, but skipping and stopping music.  A hard reset fixed it the first day.  But then?  Then it was like the battle was fully on from there.

Some research shows that these headphones are “embodied with the W1 chip”….whatever that junk is.  But it shows that activating iCloud is needed for this to work to the best advantage on these headphones….  But I’m gonna say that’s a no.  Because if it were the turning point of making these things work or having them act like they’re possessed?  Then it should be in the start up instructions somewhere.  Right?  So no.   That’s not whats happening either.  Still.  I turned on iCloud, despite wanting nothing to do with it…. and suddenly the headphones worked!  …For two days.  I was at a complete loss, and more than a little pissed about this whole experience.

I did send a request to customer service after the first pair.  I never got a response.  I sat on a conversation with customer service from Apple’s website.  After a full run-down about the status and the crappiness of this product, I was told that I likely exposed it to liquids.
“Of course I did!  I sweat on them.  That’s what they’re meant for right?  Or was I not supposed to work out in them?”  I sassed at the poor guy.  He relented, and the only answer I have is that I have to ship them to Apple for repair.  Or for them to take apart and arbitrarily decide if they’re going to repair it or blame me and tell me I’m out the money.  Who knows?  The guy was very clear that he wanted to make sure that there was no damage to them.  I told him that these were not put through anything more rugged than what I put anything else through for running.  In fact, I pointed out, I avoided inclement weather specifically because I didn’t want to ruin them, since they were so dodgey to begin with.

So?  The customer service aspects – about average.  Though, Best Buy has been a real sport for working on this.  But I”m not reviewing Best Buy or Apple’s customer service.  It’s the headphones.  And, really, a product should never give you a chance to get to know customer service desks with as much familiarity as these have.

I’m taking these back and returning for the pair of headphone recommended by the staff at Best Buy, as well as all the google search results for “best bluetooth headphones for running”:  The Jaybird x3.  Sure, Powerbeats3 made those lists, but I think if you’re lucky enough to get one that works, you’ll be so happy with the things!  If you’re like me, and a quite a few people, who draw the short straw and get the pairs that aren’t working?  You’re not going to like that gut feeling that you’re out $200-$220 for a pair of headphones that are non-fixable, annoyingly unreliable, and otherwise…would have been perfect.

For me, this product has Failed.

Apple?  Beats by Dre?  You should be ashamed.

The Secret to Running

I bet you read that title and expect the secret to be some let down like, “just go out and run!”


Telling someone starting out on a running plan or into the world of health and fitness, overwhelmed with the prospect of completely revamping their entire life and diet to fit whatever fad they were told would “absolutely drop those problem pounds in weeks,” that they “just need to do it” – is about as useful as telling a person with chronic depression to “just give yourself permission to be happy.”

The typical result has that person thinking, “I give you permission to go fuck yourself” and moving on, feeling hopeless, or lost, or overwhelmed…. Basically, still feeling whatever emotion they were in when they came to you for the secret of running.  “Just do it” makes for a great slogan for a clothing company that already has athletes lined up to buy from them.  It’s solid advice, if you’re wavering on whether to run that morning or not.  But what if you’re not wavering?  What if you’re looking for someone to help make it less overwhelming?  What if what you needed was someone to tell you you were right?  That running is hard.  That it is boring.  That it’s uncomfortable and takes up time?  It’s not such useful advice then.  It’s dismissive.  Just like telling someone who has hit rock bottom that they chose that.  It makes everything  that person’s fault and washes you, the one they came to, of any responsibility.  Even the responsibility of helping them.  The things is: They know its their fault they are in this position.  They don’t need the reminder.  The depressed and the new fitness seeker.  They know their situation.  They just also know they are unable to do it alone.  They’ve come for help.

Just go run.  Pah!

It’s bullshit.  And anyone who remembers their first endeavors into the running realm should know it.  It’s not about just doing it when you first start.  Its about all the fears (What if my heart gives out?  What if I get hit by a car, or hurt?  How do I know how far I’ve gone?  How do I carry water?  What if I have to poop?  How long can I trust my kids not to burn down the house?).  IMG_7808

Tell them the truth fellow runners!  Tell your friends and coworkers and neighbors who come to you to find out the secret to running: The. Actual. Real. Secret to how you keep going out to run!  Tell them what it really is.  Tell them what you really do to get through the struggle.  “Just go run” is the outcome of your struggle.  It’s habit for you now.  Tell them how you got to that point.


The secret is the same for everyone.  Sure, motivations are different (Weight loss, depression, addiction, boredom, a dare, jobs, competition, scholarships…)  What pushed them through that starting phase, and even a tough phase later on, is going to be the same for 96% of the runners out there.

I only throw that 96% in there because I’m certain that it’s true for the large majority of runners, but I know outliers always exist and those jerks can just….go… stop …showing off ….. yeah. 

A lot of runners got there because they competed in school. For them, they had the secret to running pushed on them all the time, every time.  They probably won’t recognize it for what it was.  If you ask runners who started running later in life – not for school, you’ll likely get to the real secret a lot faster.

The secret is community.


Well…  Friends.  A support system.  And participation in running clubs or groups.

It’s having people to join you on those runs – even when they’re the hardest.  It’s having people who don’t run, but who care about your goals enough to call and make sure you got out there, to be proud when your runs do go well, and to be impressed when your runs sucked but you got it done anyway.  It’s the people around you, who make the run manageable.   Its making some friends and connecting with someone as you suffer through the miles together.  Its having someone that you can look at while you’re training and ask questions…  Questions like: “Has your foot ever hurt like…?”  Or, “I always feel so wiped out by mile five…what works for you?”  It’s having someone willing to check in with you.  To care how your running is going.  And then, broadening that, to include more runners.


And, really, lets be honest.  There’s a lot of truth to the concept of “misery loves company”.


Its about having the support you need to keep doing it.  Even if you skipped three runs last week.  Even if you have no idea what you’re doing.  Even if you start a run, get about a mile in, and then quit because it was just not working for you.  Even if you have to stop running for three months because of a serious injury.  Having someone who gets it to talk to about it makes the difference.


And don’t tell me that it’s not like that for introverts.  Don’t tell me, “Introverts need to run alone.”  Lies.  Even an introverted person enjoys having someone running beside them.  They don’t need to chatter through the miles.  Just being there with the group, words flowing around them, as everyone else chatters makes a difference.  The run doesn’t require social participation, but the run is made easier by it.  Having people recognize you and call to you as you run a local race makes you feel like a rock star.  Feeling like a rock star is part of the drug of running that makes going back to it day after day so much easier.


If you’re looking for the secret of running because you’re trying to get started in it, but it’s just so damn boring?  I’m here to tell you, yesIt’s boring as hellBut it can also be the best hour or two of your day.  Music, audio books, pod-casts…. these things all help, but sometimes they’re not enough. Sometimes, it takes practice to be able to focus on your run and listen to the audio book.   Its the aspect of engaging in conversation, or being around the conversation – and letting someone else handle the route – that can be the fix you need for making running more interesting.

And feeling motivated to go to races – because races are automatically interesting.  You don’t have to compete… just go to experience it!  Seriously.  5k’s are a blast, especially if you get the right ones.   They don’t take all day, there’s a good community around them, and nearly every “big” race (ie; Marathons) has one!  Find the costumed races near you.  Find the races in parks or that have good parties afterward.  Find them for causes you are supportive toward.  Go for the 5k, stay to cheer on your friends running the longer distances.   Go have a day!


You should train to run, especially if you’re thinking about doing races – that’s a given.  And to make that more interesting, I say:
Go find your local running clubs, groups, training groups, neighbor, coworker, or friends – and join them.  And remember my advice from a while ago:  Stop saying no to running with your “fast” friends!

Its time that you jumped into the real secret of running.  Stop wavering.  All of your reasons to hate running are true.  Come try the reasons runners love running.

And see that running friends make great friends outside of the run too!

Run Happy.

3 Hours in the Sun

“It’ll help…if the sun comes out – that will make me more motivated to head out…”
“You should just go.”
“But…I’m cold.”
“No you’re not.”
“My leg hurts.”
“Run anyway.  I’ll pick you up, wherever you have to stop at.  But it’s time for you to leave this house.”

Once, shortly after my Husband and I moved in together, he literally shoved me out the front door and then locked it, ordering me to run or never come inside again.  That was probably about 8 years ago.  Today, he can still be pretty savage about ordering me to run, but his resolve wavers in the face of me in pain.  If I’m hurting badly before I even start out the door, it’s harder for him to force me to do it.  Mid-race?  He’ll tell me to suck it up.  Rolling out of bed and gasping in pain?  That puts him in a tight spot.

I managed to delay going out for my attempt at 20 miles today for…hours….  but, eventually, the sun really did come out.  And I had to go.

I admit I was a bit scared of it.  Not in the way most people thing of ‘scared’ when they read it.  I was more just…trying to avoid the discomfort of a very painful experience.  This IT-band/piriformis/”probably sciatica” (Thanks a bunch, Dr M.) injury can actually hurt up to a 9 on the pain scale some days.  Two weeks ago when I tried my luck at getting 18 miles, it dropped me at 15, making it nearly impossible for me to walk by the time I gave up trying to get to 16.

Not mine.  Check out the creator and her story at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com  – she’s hilarious.

I don’t have a good memory for pain.  If I go to the Dr about an injury, I literally have to keep repeating the motion or action that causes the pain just so I can describe it and where it is.

Maybe this is why I manage long-distance running?

The injury, which currently resides in my ass (not to be confused with a ‘pain in the ass’), has started this new and annoying thing wherein I have a constant feeling of pins and needles going on with my foot.  That’s sciatic, right there.  For some reason, when a nerve enters the game, my brain starts a mild panic.  Nerves are serious players in the body….and it’s beyond me what the cure is if you jack one of those up.


The piriformis sits right over top, and sometimes encircles, the sciatic nerve.  Which means that when the muscle is inflamed, it can put pressure on the nerve and cause such awesome symptoms as the pins and needles.  At least I don’t have “weakening”….

So I dug around for some information on this (it’s legitimately called “piriformus syndrome – and, haha, they are still arguing if its “real” or not.  Since they have no case studies of it in athletes.  Where. Do. I. Sign. Up?)

I found a stretch that is noted as “The only way to cure” this.  4 weeks of doing this, and some exercises, and the pain will be taken care of.   And then I did more research and found a better article and some of the same stretches and strengthening exercises.

So now I’m adding these steps to my daily routine, adding them to the 30 burpees for 15 days challenge I’m doing.  Something I read about this one in Runner’s World.  The author said she got faster, and that she struggled with the work out on and off as she went through the days.  I’m not struggling.  Not with this.  But my thighs, they do shake… and during my long run today, they felt a bit heavy.  I’m hoping I’ll see results.

Back to today’s run then.

I knocked out some of these stretches and some of the workouts before changing into my running gear.  I hoped hard that my 4th attempt at a pair of powerbeats3 would work – because if they failed today then I would know two things:  1. I would not run 20 miles today.  And 2.  Powerbeats3 were not meant to be used on Sundays.  Because the other pairs died during use on Sundays.  All.  Of.  Them.

With a resolve that this run would be over in about 6 miles, I headed out.

I made easy loops of some of the roads in my neighborhood, sticking close to town.  When, by mile 7, my leg wasn’t hurting and my headphones continued to work, I figured it was time to stop screwing around and head out for the bigger loop.  I put about 3 more miles in along my subdivision – stopping to toss a baseball a few times with a kid and then to start up some woman’s lawnmower for her.  Then I cut along a rough patch of country road to get into the next subdivision, where I only did 3 more miles – because it was steeply hilly (worse than my neighborhood) and that was bothering my leg.  Mile 9 marked when I started noticing some pain in the leg from the injury.  And mile 13 marks when I realized that I hadn’t noticed the pain for a while yet and I’d likely be able to actually do the distance my training plan actually called for.

The sun continued to bear, and there was a cool undercurrent to the air as I ran up along the main roadway of my area.  I stopped into a biker bar for a water refill, and chatted about motorcycles and other biker bars – both things I know about but also have zero experience with.

Mile 15 was marked by having to ask some random stranger if I could use his toilet.  I was extremely embarrassed.  He laughed and commented, “I’ve been there before.  It’s easier for a man!”  Uh…sure… I guess…..I mean…Aside from the embarrassment, I was able to poop just fine in this man’s restroom.

By mile 18, I knew I had it.  I knew that I was able to run 20 miles.  Despite the injury.  It wasn’t fully without pain – but it was just a tight pain, not a shooting or harsh pain, like I had suffered on so many runs since November.

This is a big deal for me.

In my mind, I had determined that if I couldn’t run a long training run of 20 miles at all, then I was absolutely not going to be able to run the marathon.  There was no way.  I might be hurting, and the actual race may take longer than I’m used to the Flying Pig taking me, but I feel pretty confident now that if I can keep the injury managed like I did today, I will actually be able to run the marathon!  I won’t have to miss out on this goal!

It doesn’t fix anything else, but it sure does help my mental game.

Now.  Now I must go put some after-sun lotion on my face.  Because I, friends, have managed to get my first sunburn of the year today as well.



Check in – 5 weeks to the marathon

We are about 5 weeks away from my hometown race – the Flying Pig – and my 5th straight year running the full marathon.  At year 5 – they induct you into the “squadron”…. which is cool because you get some kind of extra recognition medal that clips to that year’s race medal.

2017 is marked by me having completed exactly zero races so far, and getting out for only one group run.  I signed up for a half marathon, and then bailed the morning of because my injury had flipped the switch up to 11 the day before, feeling like it was tearing muscle from the bone.

Basically, I’m still not really running well – thanks to this injury that has dogged me since November.

I’m seeing the Chiropractor – largely as a result of a traffic accident where a dude struck my car back in December while I was out of town for work – on Saturday mornings.  My Chiro is located right behind the running store – so I also get to see all my friends out enjoying their runs each morning as I go in to get my shoulder and neck worked on, and then my IT/hip massaged to try and beat that injury into submission as well.

crashing their post-run photo.

Last weekend I was supposed to hit 18 miles… I hoped to get 16… I ended up stopping at 15.  I’m happy that I got to the 15 – I didn’t exactly choose an easy route to do this on, opting to stay in the hills rather than take to flat ground for my long runs.  I hurt pretty badly during and after.

I’m not in a good head-space either.

Running isn’t really helping any more –  becoming another stress to my life:  It hurts to run.  It hurts not to run.  It hurts after I run.  It hurts when I run.  It hurts if I take days off to make the hurting stop.

I have to run, because I’m so close to getting another one of my goals (The squadron), and if I skip this year’s marathon, I have to start all over again…  But I know that trying to do this marathon is going to hurt.  And I’m so done with it.  I can’t fit running into my life.  I have to run alone all the time because none of the group runs fit my free time anymore, and I hate being out there alone because all I think about is what a useless person I’ve become thanks to my epic failures in life.

I’m just tired of fighting for everyLittleBit.  And still ending up with nothing.  Taking a moment to breathe from the fight to have anything I want/need/should have just to have it ripped from me the moment I stop.
I’m tired of being accused of feeling entitled and not working to earn anything.
I worked extremely hard, and sacrificed a shit-ton of myself toward trying to earn something in life… and I think that I at least deserve to be pissed that the reason I don’t have anything to show for it now isn’t because of my shortcoming – but because someone didn’t like the fact that I’m a woman; that someone decided that because of my gender I needed to be ‘put in my place’.  That someone told me I needed to go home and pop out babies for my man, not show up to work anymore.  That’s why I lost out on my path in life.  Not because I didn’t earn my place.  Not because I was bad at what I was doing.  Not because I wasn’t working for it.  Not because I broke rules.  But because someone with enough power and influence to destroy everything I did, determined that I didn’t look cute enough in the work outfit to stay, and wasn’t doing my ‘due diligence’ as a female (the popping out babies thing.  On an additional fun note- they tried to fire the woman there before me because she got pregnant and “spent more time home pregnant than working” and that was a problem).

This became the theme of my life


I did some hill repeats in this little park a couple weeks ago – because there was no where to run close to my hotel, and this park was barely a quarter mile of trail.  I think it was my fourth or fifth trip up the hill when I finally paid attention to the graffiti on the rock at the top.


I feel ya, park vandal.  I feel ya.  Both for the hill repeats, and for…all of it…in general.

I keep thinking that if this injury would just stop – go away – let me run pain-free again, then I’ll be more motivated, and feel a lot more content with things going on.  But its not just the injury anymore.  I’m not pulling out of my head game.

Two days ago, I was so bummed out about everything.  So upset with my situation in life and this overarching feeling that no matter how hard I’m working to fix it, I’m stuck here.  So full of repressed energy from taking a day off for my leg to stop hurting (it didn’t) and sitting in an office with no outlet for….anything… for 9 hours …  I went for what was supposed to be an easy run and ended up being a 4 mile sprint with a final mile time of 5:44.


Yeah, my leg hurt.  But I was done giving a fuck.  My headphones, a new pair of powerbeats3 that I just got a week before to replace the last dead pair, malfunctioned and died.  I was pissed.  I raged.  … And I realized that I was pissed about everything.  I realized that my life has shut down so much that the most important thing I had going on was whether or not my fucking headphones would work.  And I hated myself even more in that moment.

My life was certainly harder before.  I had a lot more going against me before.  But for some reason, no matter what was going on, I still got up and was energized for it.  I met it head-on.  I ran like a goddamn star and was able to come home and brag about what I was doing with my life.  I could see my friends, and I had hobbies.  Some how, despite the shittier nature of it all, I had found something bigger to cling to.  And now?  Now I feel like I have nothing, and all my priorities have fallen to such petty shit as why my headphones are shitty.

And this is where I am 5 weeks out from a marathon.  I’ve run 9 full marathons and 3 ultras in one year, and now I can’t get my heart into it enough to want to run just one half marathon – let alone a full.  I felt like I had something to prove last year – as my world fell apart around me.  Now I’m in the crumbled ruins of my world, and have proved nothing.  I don’t know how to reset my life for this.   I don’t know how to clean slate and start over.  Thinking of my goal for how I want to run the Pig – normally it’s “just have a good time and finish happy“.  This year its, “I guess under 7 hours and still able to walk would be okay enough…  eh.


How do you recover yourself after a major upset in goals/life/everything? ….  Asking for a friend…